Sorry, Brom apologized
by lonni
Summary: To celebrate what has to be the greatest line ever written. This is a PARODY, people!


"_**Sorry, Brom apologized"**_

_by Lonni_

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _The Kids Aren't Alright_ by _The Offspring_, although I do wish I owned my own Dexter Holland. I don't own neither _Eragon_ nor his shining single tears and, truth be told, I'm quite happy this way. By the way, I am very, very sorry for inflicting this purple-prosed story on an innocent, undeserving world, but nobody ever said life was fair.

* * *

It was a bright winter day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing.

It was the crack of dawn, and the drops of dew still strapped among the grass blades shone like ethereal diamonds in the light of the early sun. The soft twittering in the cold air was a bitterweet melody that felt like broken lives and shattered dreams.

The blue dragon lied on the grass, still resting herself after the tiring day. Her scales, of a deep midnight blue colour, looked like sapphires in the morning light. Her Rider, an ordinary farm boy by the name of Eragon lied resting on her side, his right hand on the hilt of his beautifully crafted sword.

"Eragon!" Brom called, his grey hair shining in the sun like silver mail, a playful look in his old blue eyes.

Brom was Eragon's mentor, an old minstrel whom Eragon strongly suspected of knowing more than he let on. His presence reminded Eragon of a different place and time, of how simple his days used to be back in Carvahall, before Galbatorix's servants attacked his farm, killing his uncle and destroying his life.

Eragon rose to his feet. "Yes, Brom?" he asked.

"Can you tell me more about your dream?" Brom questioned him.

Eragon was flabbergasted "My... dream?" he sprouted.

"Yes," ejaculated Brom, impatiently, "the one with the woman in the cell."

Eragon closed his eyes, remembering the gorgeous vision. The woman was obviously in pain, yet her beauty wasn't tarnished by the abuses, the only mark on her person being a long scratch on her cheek, a scratch that was this and red like a bloody ruby. She was so beautiful and brave, and Eragon knew he would never meet another woman like her. The simple thought of her pale skin was enough lo lit a fire in his loins.

Eragon shivered thinking about the woman, and cried a single tear that fell down his face, shining like a gem in the light of the rising sun.

"She is suffering, Brom." wispered Eragon. Suddenly enraged, he almost shouted "We have to go and get her out of there!"

"But, Eragon," Brom objected "she is in prison, you said. How can you be sure she is not a criminal?"

Eragon couldn't believe his ears. What was Brom insinuating? The woman of his dreams surely was as pure as she looked! "I think you're wrong," Eragon spat, wrathful "she would never, ever be a criminal."

Eragon glanced at the older man, a pleading look in his brown, sorrful eyes. "You don't understand," he explained, whimpering softly "you _can't_ understand. She is my soul mate, Brom. The light of my life. I dream of her every night, think of her every moment I'm awake. She is my reason for living, my reason to fight; she is the spark behind my flame, the melody behind my song. She is all I have, my better half. From the moment I first saw her, I knew her place was at my side. I would go through hell and back for her, you know I would. How can I battle? Galbatorix when he has my heart in that cell? Please, Brom, please, help me save my love."

There was a tear on Brom's face, a single tear as pure as the beautiful woman who waited for Eragon in her lonely cell. Were Brom to help Eragon, the young Rider thought, the would both find true happiness. They would cry no more.

The older man finally opened his mouth to talk, his voice hoarse and broken. "I had not realized the dept of your feeling, Eragon, and I am sorry," Brom apologized. "We shall find your woman, and rescue her. This much, I swear."

* * *

**A/N:** If you were wondering who are those guys, what the heck they're rambling about and what's the deal with the awkward sentences and the abuse of SAT words, stay tuned for the next chapter, a short and hopefully humorous summary of the Inheritance Cycle. If you already know what the deal is and/or don't want to bother, be on your merry way. Thank you for reading.

EDIT: By the way, the "ejaculated" does qualify as SAT words abuse and it's done on purpose. It_ is_ awkward to write, but I've always wanted to try it after I saw the word used in a _published book_. I don't think it was Eragon, though. Pity.


End file.
